YOU KNOW YOU ARE RUSSIAN IF: * 1. Your car costs more than your college education * 2. Your blood has a permanent vodka content level, no matter you have been drinking or not * 3. Any outfit you wear involves leather (even in the summer even when no coats are worn * 4. Your idea of a normal Friday or Saturday night is spending it raving with 200-300 of your closest friends * 5. Your idea of a love song is Track 1 of the New York Underground Party Volume 3 CD. * 6. Things you can't live without include food, water, and a cell phone * 7. Instead of notes during class you write text messages to your friends in Russian font * 8. You come home at 3am and your parents are still out partying with all your friend's parents * 9. People are always asking you if you can get them a cheep deal on something...and you can * 10. Every sentence you say or hear starts with "blyat" and ends with "nahuy" * 11. You know the new line of Nokia's 3 months before they come out on the market * 12. You can't go to the movies on Sunday night without having to save 20 seats for your late friends cuz they're buying semichki * 13. You don't mind family get-togethers because you know the grandmas will be making dinner * 15. You know all the cops by their first names * 16. You know someone who works at a dental lab * 17. You are somehow related to most of the people you know * 20. On the weekends your place of residence is the pool hall, and every 10 mins the tolstii pon'chik tells you to pick up line 2 * 21. You drive a Honda (or, in the EXTREME worse case a Nissan), and your windows are tinted to twice the legal limit * 22. Your Honda has either a RU (Russia) or UA (Ukraine) sticker on the back bumper * 23. Your Honda is a 5-speed stick shift, and you laugh at anyone driving an automatic by calling them lohs. * 24. At any given moment you are carrying at least a dime bag of shmal'... * 26. Your uncle is in the Russian Mafia or is a former employee of the KGB * 32. You have been kicked out of the JCC at least twice for trying to sneak in without paying. * 33. You can be identified as "Russian" by your scent (D&G or Aqua de Gio cologne). * 34. The waitresses at Omega know your order even before you say anything. Most of the time you get "Gypsy". * 35. You met your girl playing strip durak at the last party you went to. * 39. You know u'r russian if you got 20 speeding, red light, stop sign tickets, and no record of it in Harrisburg. * 40. Everyone you know has a ruchka of smirnoff in their trunk. * 50. You wake up on a saturday morning, unable to remember which one of your friends gave you a ride home because you couldn't even walk, but see your car standing in the parking lot (you drove home yourself). * 52. You start thinking of bread as a good mixer for vodka * 53. You know more than 30 Olgas, Annas, Natashas, and Vikas * 54. You have to tell your parents what channel is "YOUR" HBO,Showtime, Per-View is on. * 55. Your parents have computer "experience" for 8 years already on the resume, yet they been in US for only 4... * 56. You ask me each time for the link to >russianvodka16/images/ :) * 58. You major in Computer Science or in worst case scenario Information Systems (but you still barely know how to turn on a computer). * 59. Have a personalized license plate. * 60. When you are going downtown you ride in one of the last two train carts. * 61. Typical Friday/Saturday night phone call to your friends starts with "So what are we doing tonight?" * 62. Most of your clothes are fake brand names but you "just can't tell them apart from the real ones." * 63. Your fake id is the International Driving License who you got through your friend who goes to Kingsburough. * 64. You don't do anything during coop (you are Comp Sci major). * 66. You used to work out, but you don't anymore. If you do workout, you must wear all you golden chains and bracelets. * 67. Lifting a cigarette while drinking coffee in El Greco's counts as an exercise. * 68. You know the exact time it takes to get from UA Theater to El Greco's (6 min. 44 seconds) * 69. Have a fake Movado because you can't afford a real Rolex. * 70. Once in a while you attempt to go to synagogue but you never make it past the door because you meet so many people you haven't seen for so long. * 71. Some English words like "use, shop, apply, and etc." permanently become a part of your conversational speech and they start conjugating according to Russian language rules.